sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
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