"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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