According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize