carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Randomize
