I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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