Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
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