Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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