I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
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I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
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Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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