You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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