I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Randomize
