Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
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Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
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I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
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