Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
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