woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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