hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
