I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Randomize
