she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
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