gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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