he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Randomize
