dude i'm inner monologue high
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
