the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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