Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
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