Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
