Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
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figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
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In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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