I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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