I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
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