I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
