the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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