Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
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He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
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I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Randomize