yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
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