I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
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