In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
