Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
