Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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