You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize
