even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
