so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Swine flu. Run for my life!
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
