in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
