You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
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