as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Randomize
