I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
