just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Randomize
