I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
operation have a gay friend backfired
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
