we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
