When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
