i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
