Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
