She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
