Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
