I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Blood and glitter go together right?
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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