her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
