I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I deserve this hangover.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
