He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
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Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
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Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
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