phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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