I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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