2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I love how my cats smell like pot.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
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