He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
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Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
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I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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