quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
