I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
