It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Randomize
