lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Randomize
