I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
