the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize