whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
